everlastingnovels

twenty seven 0.1

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 19:44:12 +0200

twenty seven

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 19:43:59 +0200

- -But relief was still the strongest emotion in my body, relief that came from the very core of my being.

- -You gave up on your dreams along the way.

- -Nothing is forever, there’s got to be something better than in the middle.

- -This February darkness has me hating everyone, and I know I need your comfort, but this drama is making me sick and the longer I lay here I know it’s harder to get up without you.

- -It’s always tempting to lose yourself with someone who’s maybe lost themselves.

- -So you go back, you always go back to the last point when you were happy. And you hang on.

- -It’s that feeling you get, right in your core, when you look around, look at all the people you’re surrounded by, and realize that these people are home.

- -Yes, that’s me. I’m still here.

- -It’s hard to explain how I am getting by on so little from you. It’s hard to believe that I would let myself get so wrapped in you.

- -Do you ever think about me and how I’m doing? I mean what if I was dead or something? You wouldn’t even know. You wouldn’t even care.

- -I’m going to leave it where it started. That way, at least I can pretend there was nothing in between.

- -“I need you. I don’t know why, but every now and then in my life, for no reason at all, I need you.”

twenty six 0.1

Tue, 26 Jun 2012 17:34:19 +0200

twenty six

Tue, 26 Jun 2012 17:25:42 +0200

- -You stared right back at me, your dark eyes soft, and it was easy to pretend that you felt the same way. So that’s what I did. I pretended, to make the moment sweeter.

- -And I can’t lie still when there’s someone else beside you. And I can’t lie still, ‘cause I’m all alone this time

- -I could turn around and walk away. It’d break my heart, but who’s to say you’d notice anyway

- -But wouldn’t it be worse if there were no change? That everything remained, untouched and forgotten, left behind. Just like me.

- -I still hadn’t been able to sink back into my protective shell of numbness, and everything seemed oddly close and loud today like I had taken cotton out of my ears.

twenty five 0.1

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 17:57:55 +0200

twenty five

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 17:56:56 +0200

- -Well excuse me while I get killed softly, my heart slows down and I can hardly tell you if I’m okay.

- -There’s a good reason why I’m keeping my distance.

- -It’s better to love someone you could never be with than to be with someone you could never love.

- -Or maybe I just haven’t found someone who I know is worth being hurt for.

- -I chose to lose you, the only boy who holds the ability to make me smile faster than someone can snap their fingers.

- -I was just living in the moment, and the moment was all about you.

- -Nothing about us makes sense. But in my heart, it’s the easiest thing to understand.

- -Everything I did was to get away from being hurt. I moved away from the pain in the wrong direction, one step at atime until I was so far away I never knew how I got there.

- -It’s what you didn’t say that told me I’d get hurt again.

- -You scare me. You really do. That look in your eyes when you look at me.

twenty four 0.1

Tue, 12 Jun 2012 12:50:19 +0200

twenty four

Tue, 12 Jun 2012 12:49:32 +0200

- -So I’ll sit and smile as you tell me about your new girl, and I hope she’s happy, she gets my whole world.

- -I hope you like the way I am. This is how you made me.

- -It’s cold tonight. The leaves scattered on the ground. Sometimes this all feels like a dream. I’m waiting for someone to just wake me up from this life.

- -The days get shorter and the nights get cold, I like the autumn but this place is getting old, I’ll pack up my belongings and head for the coast. It might not be a lot but I feel I’m making it the most.

- -A ship is safe in harbor. But that’s not what ships are for.

- -You wanna say I’m through? I’m through. Basically I’m through with you.

- -“He taught me how to love.. But not how to stop.”

- -There was too much holding me back.

- -Daylight burns your sleepy eyes. It’s hard to see you dreaming. You hide inside yourself. I wondered what you’re thinking and everything you’re chasing, it seems to leave you empty.

- -Of everything I fear the most, I’m begging you, don’t let go.

twenty tree 0.1

Tue, 05 Jun 2012 09:20:47 +0200

twenty tree

Tue, 05 Jun 2012 09:20:13 +0200

—Sure, she might love you now. But I loved you first, and I loved you more. And I’ll always love you, even when she moves on.

—So whisper and tell me where I went wrong, tell me why everything around you lost its shine. Tell me why nothing glows.

—So, set fire to everything you thought you knew about me, it’s either not true or time has changed me enough to believe that I’m not the same anymore.

—It’s so simple and complicated the way you can crush me. No matter how much this hurts, this is through. I get as far as your door before I get caught up making excuses just to touch you and I just can’t stop.

—I decided to steal the sun from the sky. Long live the day I decided to fly.

—And honestly baby, I’ll cross my fingers, and stay up until 11:11 every night, I’ll search in a field of clovers for hours, if that’s really what it takes.

—With those green eyes, you’re the one that I wanted to find, and anyone who tried to deny you, must be out of their minds.

—“Stay in touch,” you muttered as I walked away, not realizing that I planned on forgetting you, because unlike you, I can’t just shrug my shoulder, because unlike me, you never even cared.

twenty two 0.1

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 09:39:01 +0200

twenty two

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 09:37:32 +0200

- -I know that when we saw each other for the first time in a long while we both knew exactly what the other was thinking but didn’t say a word because it was too complicated.

- -Serendipity. Looking for something, then finding something else, and then realizing that what you’ve just found is more suited to you than what you thought you were looking for.

- -Love must be learned over again and again. There is no end to it. Hate needs no instruction but rather waits to be provoked.

- -Just tell me it’s tearing you apart. Just tell me you can’t sleep at night.

- -It’s when I look in the mirror. And it’s when I don’t pick up the phone. Sometimes you can’t make it on your own.

- -If you’re with me, we can make tomorrow beautiful.

- -The whole truth is nothing but a good excuse, so as long as you don’t torture me with my past, let’s be honest, a secret silenced is a secret saved.

- -But tonight is for you sweetheart. I want you to know what it feels like to be stepped on, what it feels like to be let go.

- -I guess you could say you helped me through this and you could also say that you caused this mess. Thoughts of you occupy my mind, but you don’t know I think of those memories of us all the time.

twenty-one 0.1

Wed, 30 May 2012 09:08:58 +0200

tweny-one

Wed, 30 May 2012 09:08:19 +0200

- -People think dreams aren’t real just because they aren’t made of matter, of particles. Dreams are real. But they are made of viewpoints, of images, of memories and puns and lost hopes.

- -The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it, one gets successfully through many a bad night.

- -You were never my boyfriend but we were so close and in my heart I really do love you. I guess I just miss you and what you used to be.

- -It’s sickening, the things I can keep from people without feeling an ounce of guilt.

- -True, we love life, not because we are used to living, but because we are used to loving. There is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness.

- -For once, don’t let me down. Don’t give my friends another chance to say, “I told you so.” Don’t let my faith in you be a waste.

- -When there is no one around to remind me who I’m supposed to be, it’s easier to remember who I am.

- -The pain stabbed my heart as it did every time I saw a girl I loved who was going the opposite direction in this too-big world.

- -I’m so afraid because I am so profoundly happy. Happiness like this is frightening. They only let you be this happy if they are preparing to take something from you.

- -It’s the funny thing about coming home. It looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You’ll realize what’s changed is you.

- -This time you’re not the one to blame. Sometimes I get a little too afraid. I didn’t mean to cause you any pain.

- -We used to drive all night, we’d get high all the time. He used to call me all the time, now he don’t. He used to call me all the time, we’d go out all the time. But now that’s over and it’s done.

twenty 0.1

Thu, 24 May 2012 16:59:19 +0200

twenty

Thu, 24 May 2012 16:58:39 +0200

- -Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run, but no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant.

—Stranger things have happened; stranger things have been loved.

- -Feels awful when you think about it. When there doesn’t seem like much of a purpose for your relationship. Or maybe there is: I think I gave him something to live for, except, he merely helped me pass the time.

- -I hated this about myself, the tendency to try something new and as soon as I had begun, to wonder how to get out of it.

- -So here’s to the people forever loved who make our hearts want to scream. Cause I love you with all that I am and my voice shakes along with my hands.

- -I’m not like them. I don’t give myself away like all of those other girls. You’ll have to work harder than you can even imagine just to get a simple little kiss.

- -I’ve lived my life on alcohol. I’ve lived my life on pills. But it’s called love and it belongs to us. It’s called love and it’s the only thing that’s worth living for.

- -So much for forever. I guarantee we’ll be those friends who talk once a month, then that’ll end. It’s not what I wanted. Sometimes things were as good as gold, but quite often shit got very old.

- -It’s strong and it’s sudden and it’s cruel sometimes. But it might just save your life: that’s the power of love.

- -There is endless entertainment in thinking the world is gonna end. And I live some nights convinced of it, but I keep waking up again.

- -Nothing makes sense, so I won’t think about it. I’ll go with the ignorance. Eat, sleep, fuck and flee; in four words, that’s me. I am full of indifference.

nineteen 0.1

Mon, 21 May 2012 18:16:37 +0200

nineteen

Mon, 21 May 2012 18:15:50 +0200

# Hurt myself again today and the worst part is there’s no one else to blame.

# Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life you were only waiting for this moment to arise.

#If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to. If you are not afraid of dying, there is nothing you cannot achieve.

# Nothing suits a good flirtation like need and anger and desperation.

# When you remember how hard it is to change yourself, you begin to understand what little chance we have of changing others.

# People don’t want other people to get high, because if you get high, you might see the falsity of the fabric of the society we live in.

# I’m such a coward, so damn reckless, but I just need your attention. Strip me away from the booze and drugs, teach me about being in love.

# “When I close my eyes, I can see you, it’s like you’re right here.”

# Iwas angry at you and depressed by you and confused about you, but hate never came into it.

# This is what we call love. When you are loved, you can do anything in creation. When you are loved, there’s no need at all to understand what’s happening, because everything happens within you.

# I realize sometimes happiness doesn’t lie with those who know you best but those who don’t know you at all.

# Sometimes I think too much. And when I think too much, I can’t come back. It’s really hard sometimes, but I guess you get used to it after a while.

eighteen 0.1

Tue, 15 May 2012 18:04:54 +0200

eighteen

Tue, 15 May 2012 18:04:00 +0200

- -When you are insane, you are busy being insane

- - all the time. When I was crazy, that was all I was.

- -I felt dreadfully inadequate. The trouble was, I had been inadequate all along. I simply hadn’t thought about it.

- -A few drinks later you’re not so choosy when the closing lights strip off the shadows on the strange new flesh you’ve found.

- -You put yourself in stupid places, yes I think you know it’s true, situations where it’s easy to look down on you. Think you like to be the victim. Think you like to be in pain. I think you make yourself a victim almost every single day.

- -It is easier to live through someone else than to become completely yourself.

- -Real tragedy is never resolved. It goes on hopelessly forever.

- -The lights are on but nobody’s home. My elevator doesn’t go to the top. I’m not playing with a full deck, I’ve lost my marbles. I’m a few bricks short of a load but a full load always hurts my back. I flew over the cuckoo’s nest and I’m never ever coming back because I am crazy, just like you.

- -I spend my nights imagining your face, your touch. Then I realize how I don’t even know your name.

- -This isn’t meant to last. This is for right now.

- -Losing a whole year. I remember you and me used to spend the whole goddamned day in bed.

- -So to hell with what you’re thinking and to hell with your narrow mind.

- -‘Cause when I’m with you, there’s nothing missing.

- -I know that I should probably hurt so bad but I can’t feel a thing. I know that I should probably say something but I can barely breathe.

- -Explain the way you feel, you said to me. “I simply feel nothing and honestly I’d like to leave.”

- -What the hell is going on? The dust has only just begun to fall.

- -There are so many things I want to say to you, but time’s caught me up and now I’ll never say them - except that I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you and every moment since.

- -‘Cause you keep waiting for someone to save you, embrace you and take you away, far away; take you so far from this place. Running away, so far away.